The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
