If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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