You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
