Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
