my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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