My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
