ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize