now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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