i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
