Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
