I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
My feet surprised me
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