Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
