Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
