i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
