When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
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So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
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Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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