She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Oh god it's open bar.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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