I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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