question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
