i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
