I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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