Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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