shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Randomize
