I want to walk on stilts...naked
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
If I die, sorry about rent.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
