Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
