remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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