you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
