Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
