Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Why did my mother make you get naked?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
