I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
