This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I'm jealous of your bromance
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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