dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Randomize
