Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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