i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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