I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
