Apparently you make a good broom.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
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