I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
