wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
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I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
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It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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