A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
