Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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