im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
