Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
