He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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