I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
