god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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