So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
We got so high we made milksteak
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
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