I think im going to throw up on grandma
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
