he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
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