WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
