You made me cry and you don't even care
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
