Cold hands, warm shart.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
