I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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