i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
