That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
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We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
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Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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