he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
