I wish my penis had an off switch
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
