those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
