every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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