Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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