no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
