just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
