dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
