I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
