i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
