he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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