just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
