Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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