So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
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Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
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she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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