I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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