I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
