She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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