four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
