I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
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I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize