Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
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