dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
