I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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