I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
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