so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
