He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
