Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
