just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
